Top Ten Ways Pilots and Airlines Can Make Flying Better

I created this Top Ten List in the early 90's for a sales meeting presentation. Looked at it recently and realized that it is still relevant today.

So, the Top 10 Ways Pilots and Airlines Can Make Flying Better are:

Number 10, Only sell half the seats
Number 9, Shoot any passenger who carries on more than two bags
Number 8, Serve free booze before and during all flights, and especially in the baggage claim area
Number 7, Install 1 bathroom per passenger
Number 6, Fly at WARP 6 Speed, whatever the hell that is
Number 5, Make all seats first class
Number 4, Make all mothers traveling with children under 21 fly on separate planes
Number 3, Leave on time, arrive on time
Number 2, Shut up and fly the plane

And, the number one way pilots and airlines can make flying better is:

Remove all pictures of grandchildren from the purses of Grandmothers!